August 14, 2004: Captain's log, shopdate 46.34.22

While delivering a critical dose of the Corona serum to the Synapses of planet Cerebellum IV in the Blotto galaxy, we received a distress call from the USS Blue Sugar. The Blue Sugar was in desperate need of a wash and lube, and it's message indicated that an attack from the dreaded Skeggs was imminent.

With the lightning quick leadership reflexes of our revered First Idiot, I completed my delivery of the Corona serum, watched a few hours of the PGA Championship on the viewing screen, and eventually got around to answering the Blue Sugar's call for help.

Following is a detailed account of the harrowing rescue of the USS Blue Sugar.

  • Spent two hours washing and lubing bike with Dawn liquid soap and a variety of cleaning brushes. Time includes 30 minutes spent degreasing drive train.
  • Replaced comfortable but heavy Minkow saddle with super light, but super hard Selle Italia SLR T1 saddle, which has a wider, padded nose that supposedly will make things easier on the 'nads during technical uphill climbs.
  • Removed, cleaned, and inspected fork seals, which had been leaking like a senior administration official with an axe to grind. Chief engineering officer Rich had informed me that the leak could be caused by dirt in the seals. They were pretty dirty, so I carefully cleaned them out and the Blue Sugar will have to hope for the best against the Skeggs's weapon of choice: downhills.
  • Set fork to 75 PSI; set rebound damping to 7.
  • Set rear shock to 130 PSI; set rebound damping to 3; set compression damping to 3.
  • Coated interior of loose left grip with hairspray and sealed with zip tie to dry.

    •

    Having spent most of the day repairing the ailing craft, I decided to take her out for a test flight through the neighboring galaxy, but I was barely out of drydock when it threw a chainsuck. After a quick repair, I tried again, but again, the chainsuck. And again, and again, and again. I could not shift from the small ring to the middle ring at all without chainsucking.

    Though it was only theoretical and had never been tried, I decided to reverse the magnetic polarity of the low adjustment screw substantially, while at the same time rotating the barrel adjuster counterclockwise to generate a resistance force strong enough to thrust the linkage mechanism cleanly from engineering deck Small to engineering deck Middle. After many failed attempts, I was finally able to achieve impulse power. It appears to be holding, but the upcoming battle with the Skeggs will be telling.

     
    Mileage:  Time:  Avg:  Max:  Weight: 

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